


Collar Around My Neck

by Michevalier



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Child Abandonment, Child Neglect, Childhood Memories, Dom/sub Undertones, Headcanon, I have finally finished this fic, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Respectfulshipping, Revspec, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 11:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18364997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michevalier/pseuds/Michevalier
Summary: Spectre knew that the collar around his neck would never disappear, but at least he found The One whom he fully trusted to handle the leash.





	Collar Around My Neck

**Author's Note:**

> Started this one long time ago and finished only now, but hey? Better late than never?
> 
> Oh, Dom/sub Undertones with RyoSpe are veeery brief here cause my primary purpose was to study how could Spectre develop his subservient personality to begin with.

_There was no human who could give him love_.

That was something he had the misfortune to learn ever since he came into this infinitely cold and lonely world.

Millions of stars sparkling far beyond baby's reach were so beautiful... and yet so cruelly cold and silent to the little one abandoned all alone under the giant tree in the mountains.

The boy couldn't remember his mo... no, the woman who happened to carry him in her womb, but it was fine. He never burned with desire to know the face of the person who basically left him to die. Yes, life circumstances could have been dire, making that woman unable to care for the child she happened to bear under her heart, but if she were to have a bit of that mythological "maternal love", wouldn't have she at least left her baby at the orphanage's threshold? (The damn facility was so near that tree!)

But no.

Baby boy was left at the mercy of rain, wind and wild beasts from a nearby forest.

An infant was left to meet a horrible fate if it wasn't for the tree protecting him from any external harm by covering him with its slender green branches. The tree almost seemed sentient to the baby... or maybe those were nothing but hardcore hallucinations caused by severe vital chemical deficiency inside the newborn's brain due to him not getting any milk for several days in a row.

Was that chemical imbalance what caused the boy's sanity to waver since the very beginning?

He didn't know.

He simply considered that tree to be his real mother.

Because it protected him?

Because it cared for him?

_Because it gave him at least an ounce of love?_

_~~~_

_There is no such thing as unconditional love_.

That was the fundamental rule the boy had learned ever since he gained the ability to rationalize.

There was one huge list of rules which adults from the orphanage, though he suspected that actually all adults in the world did the same, expected the kids to follow. The smallest breach, the slightest deviation was absolutely unacceptable. Orphans who were deprived of parental love from the beginning had to obey the set regulations flawlessly, only that way they could earn the staff's lov... no, wrong. The adults working at the orphanage could never love those kids. All those teachers, nurses... they were getting money for taking care of those unneeded little humans, probably someone's stupid mistakes? So of course there could never be any unconditional love involved.

The boy clearly realized it by the time he was four.

It was the same with other children, too.

Who said kids weren't the most heartless creatures on Earth?

So vain and petty, they never considered noticing another kid who at some point in his toddlerhood even  _wanted_  to be a part of their group. Sure, his attempts to mingle with others might have been clumsy and weird, but still... oh well. 

The boy who was so rarely adressed by his own name and, thus, accepted the alias Spectre, gave up pretty quickly. Those shallow kids were not worth his attention anyway. Their everyday activities, socializing, playing with one another, all of this was too boring for Spectre's taste.

He was okay with being alone.

Really.

The invisible collar that was forming around his thin fragile neck.

_And Spectre was totally comfortable wearing it._

_~~~_

_There was no human who could give him love._

"Hey, Mother?" came a timid whisper.

The gorgeous leafy attire of green responded with quiet rustling which throughout peculiar lenses of the boy's imagination resembled gentle voice. Spectre looked up and smiled radiantly at the tree beneath which he was found several years ago.

And the six years old boy was pretty serious while calling it his mother.

"Say, Mother," faint pinkish tint dusted his cheeks. "You're so large... You must be quite old, right?"

He swallowed and absent-mindedly, by this time almost reflectively, rubbed his neck as if making sure that his invisible collar was still there for him.

"Tell me," Spectre lowered his darkened gaze, his other hand gripped onto the picture book that was lying on his knees, "have you ever seen anyone as lonely as me? I know that all kids here have no mom and dad either, but..."

He sighed and tightened his grasp around his neck.

"Am I weird? Am I ugly?" he directed his question to nobody in particular and not actually expecting an answer as he already knew it since the adults and the kids around him could be so blunt at times. "Heh... I guess I am."

A sudden sensation akin to a prick right into his heart made him choke on an imaginary cotton ball stuck in his throat and that felt as if the collar around his neck became a bit tighter than usual.

"Haha," Spectre demonstratively ran his fingers through his bangs. "Well, at least in this orphanage I'm not the only one living sad and boring life!"

He kept quietly giggling 'till he got bored of it and then turned his attention back to the book he was holding.

"Look, Mother," the boy "showed" the tree its cover. "I've actually found something interesting in our library! This book here, it's called "Blue Angel". It's about..." Spectre opened the book and began flipping through colorful pages. "It's about this angel in blue attire. She was so cold-hearted that everyone thought her heart was literally made of ice. And yet, no matter what anyone thought, the angel only kept on acting tough, visibly glorifying her independence, but in fact she was crying because her loneliness was swallowing her alive. Yes, her deep sorrow was painting her tears in radiant blue, like the sea, color."

Suddenly, Spectre chuckled again, but this "melody" came off as a bit dissonant when one treacherous sob distorted the perfect pattern of his carefree laugh.

"And then," he said in a quiet voice as if some sort of sacred ceremony was going on and he didn't dare to disrupt it by talking aloud, "then it happened so that the Blue Angel was attacked by evil monsters. She would have perished for good if it wasn't for other angels that came to her aid. Together with these angel comrades the Blue Angel was slaying the evil demons, however during their battles she couldn't stop shedding those radiant blue tears. I wonder... why?"

Wind rustled through the leafy outfit of Spectre's "Mother", and he shuddered as the sound really did resemble a human's voice.

" _Because the Blue Angel believed that the "friendship" with her angel comrades was doomed to be short-lived._ "

"Right..." Spectre sighed and, having closed the book without, like usual, looking at the end of the story, leaned against the trunk. "I mean... come on. That much is just so obvious, isn't?"

His eyelids grew heavy as his "mother" was caressing his pale face with soft lacy shadows.

"This is how it actually works," for a second Spectre's voice dissolved in a short yawn. "Those angel "comrades" were only helping the Blue Angel because it was their to fight those evil monsters. Angels fight demons, right? This is how it works in reality: those angels were helping the Blue Angel only until those monsters were around. When the battles would be over they would abandon her once again as, seriously, who would want to hang out with such an arrogant, cold-hearted freak as the Blue Angel? And that's why she, realizing this, kept shedding those radiant blue tears. Because..."

A tiny whisper was barely heard as the strong gust of wind tangled among the tree's branches.

" _Because this book was written by humans and they're unable to provide unconditional love... especially not for the freaks as "blue angels", right?_ "

_~~~_

_There was no human who could give him love._

Spectre was certain that even if people from orphanage were looking everywhere for him, in reality they wouldn't have cared less about him being gone forever. It's not like they ever gave much damn about him. Whether he was alive or not, meh, whatever.

Spectre was literally like a ghost to everyone.

Nobody cared for him, nobody needed him, nobody had any hopes for him... at least that was what he thought until recently.

"Aaaarghh!!!"

The boy screamed in pain as electric current ran through every part of his small body and for an instant he became blinded by bloody red shroud that covered his eyesight even if he was wearing this VR headset. Spectre grunted as he flipped over in the air and harshly landed on the cold metal floor. His limbs were still numb and reflectively twitching as the remains of electricity kept coursing through his muscles. Hurt. It hurt so badly that physiological tears just couldn't help but appear in the corners of the boy's eyes as he hissed through gritted teeth, but...

" _You lost. Please, try better next time._ "

As soon as  _that_  soft voice poured into Spectre's ears his pain instantly ceased to exist. The boy got up as fast as he could in his condition, a big clumsy smile on his lips.

He knew that because of his loss he won't be getting more than a juice box for a dinner. It had always been this way, ever since that day when he was returning to orphanage after spending some time with his "Mother". A snow white van appeared out of nowhere and people wearing the same colored clothing disrupted his plans by grabbing and pulling the boy into the said vehicle. His brain had no opportunity to properly register what exactly happened as his mind rapidly fell into pitch black darkness when a weird smelling cloth was tightly pressed against his mouth and nose. When Spectre came back to his senses he was locked in this cramped room with white walls and nothing but a VR headset. To tell the truth, the boy was actually a bit nervous about such a sudden change of his surroundings, but then...

" _Welcome. Nice to meet you_."

Spectre shuddered, his skin literally became covered with millions of goose bumps, and looked up. There seemed to be some sort of a window all that way up in the ceiling. A bright light was coming from up there and combined with a mysterious, gentle voice it truly appeared as if the God himself was speaking to the boy.

"Are you... God?" Spectre humbly asked and instinctively rubbed his neck, making sure that his collar was still there; it was. "Are you an angel? Are you Devil? Am I... dead?"

" _You are not,_ " came a response, and for a brief moment Spectre thought it was not a human speaking indeed.

"Why am I here? What do you want from me?" he asked another question, feeling now surprisingly calm as the voice didn't sound threatening at all, more like... kindly?

The voice was quiet for some time which made the boy's anxiety build up again, but then...

" _You. I want you. I need you._ "

Spectre's heartbeat came to an instant halt. Only these words were loudly echoing inside his head.

_**Did they just said they... needed..?** _

"Y-you... do?" his voice was so shaky as it seemed that his very heart was throbbing right there, in his throat. "You... need  _me_ _?_  I... you..."

So many unknown feelings overflowed the boy's soul.

Was he dreaming?

Was this only his imagination?

" _Your abilities_ ," the soothing voice kept echoing in this ominous empty room. " _Your will to fight. Your dedication. The pieces of your soul... You're valuable."_

_You're valuable._

_You are valuable._

_You. Are. Valuable._

_You._

_Are._

_Valuable._

_**V-A-L-U-A-B-L-E.** _

The boy's mind experienced a real short-circuit.

There was nothing else left in his thoughts but this word, this word that kept repeating inside his head akin to a broken record: over and over, over and over, over and yet over again.

"You..." Spectre threw his head back, looking upwards. His neck, his eyes hurt as he tried to look right into the blinding light above in desperate attempt to make out at least a silhouette of the person(?) that was talking to him; alas, it was in vain, but the boy wasn't going to give up so easily. "Hey, you! Where are you? Who are you? I want to know who you are!"

There was no answer, so Spectre cried out once more.

"Please! Don't disappear! Say something to me! Who are you? What is your name?!"

Only silence came as a response, making Spectre's heart clutch painfully in his chest...

" _Just fight_ ," the voice spoke after like it seemed an eternity. " _And remember: you're needed, you're valuable._ "

"Fight..?" utterly confused, Spectre blinked, but the voice went silent and wasn't heard ever since then.

Trying to figure out what was told to him, the boy looked around and then his attention was caught by that very same VR headset.

"Hmm..." he picked up the equipment and examined it, mumbling to himself. "Is this what this is all about?"

Spectre obediently put on the headset and...

He had no idea how many days had passed since. There was nothing during that time but a never-ending cycle, weird routine that consisted of nothing but dueling, eating and sleeping, dueling, eating and sleeping... though the second was quite relative as the amount of food depended strictly on the win-loss ratio during the duels in the virtual arena. Whenever he performed badly he would not just get a scarce amount of nutrition but get electrocuted as well.

_Seems like Hell, isn't it?_

Except that for Spectre it... wasn't.

This was an ordeal, he knew it.

After all, he knew  _there was no such thing as unconditional love_  in this damn world.

That's why he kept fighting: no hesitation, no fear.

Spectre wasn't scared of getting hurt as long as he could hear...

" _You have got some nice potential. Keep it up._ "

That alone was more than enough to bring a happy smile to his weary face.

"You're watching me, right?" Spectre would direct his hopeful gaze towards the light coming from "Heavens". 

" _I do,_ " the invisible "God" would reply.

That's right. To Spectre the mysterious person monitoring his every move inside his cell was no one less than the "God" himself.

If there was one thing the boy ever believed in among many that teachers at orphanage tried to teach them it was that divine love was infinite,  _but_ only fully obedient humans were worthy of it.

 _If you don't do what is needed from you, you'll never be loved, ever_.

That was why Spectre...

"I only need to win, huh..?" he would whisper in a husky voice as his body was still sore and reflexively twitching from electricity running through his veins. 

" _Yes_ ," seemingly unemotional response. " _You're valuable and your wins mean much more than you know._ "

"Hehe," Spectre rejoiced as he giggled despite those physiological tears in his eyes. "If you say so, I'll believe you! Just don't dive up on me, okay?"

" _I won't,_ " there was a tint of warmth in the voice.

Spectre sobbed and clumsily rubbed his eyes as he sat down, leaning against the wall. It was cold and smooth, and the boy suddenly shuddered as he remembered the much more pleasant feeling of the painfully familiar bark. Realizing that it wasn't there and not knowing exactly when was he going to feel it again Spectre felt a twinge of sadness.

"Mother..." he whispered, his eyelids became heavy and soon enough exhaustion took over him, submerging his restless mind into a deep slumber.

The only consolation for him was at least the fact that while knowing how valuable he was his collar didn't suffocate him too much.

 _That personal "God" of his was making Spectre's collar surprisingly comfortable_.

_~~~_

_It wasn't so hard for him to realize how much he came to hate humanity._

Nobody asked Spectre whether he even  _wanted_  to return to society.

And it was mutual as society never wanted him back either.

 _This two-sided resentment fastened the collar around the child's neck_.

When he was returned back to orphanage there was no one who welcomed him with their arms wide open. Moreover, in every gaze he caught upon himself he grasped badly hidden shock, disappointment and disgust.

" _Why did you, freak, come back?_ " he read in those dozens of cold eyes. " _We only began fully enjoying fresh air without you contaminating it by the fact you were breathing it too._ "

He was no needed in that place.

He was a nuisance.

An eyesore.

Trash.

Someone who would have been much better not existing.

The first thing that adults from orphanage did when Spectre returned there was to shut him up.

" _What about our reputation?!_ " the boy overheard the administration fussing over, unable to admit that apparently they were irresponsible enough to let one of their kids be kidnapped during daylight.

" _Geez, now we have to keep an extra eye on him..._ " the nursemaids were whispering and grumbling not even particularly hiding from him.

" _Hey-hey, we actually thought you ran away and turned into a tree!_ " other children were mocking him directly as they laughed right into his face.

To tell the truth, Spectre remained fairly intact to all of these.

_A possible symptom of his heart turning to stone..?_

Maybe.

Or perhaps it was just that the boy was able to analyze and draw a reasonable conclusion to adults' behavior?

Spectre was not reacting... or, rather, he  _never_  reacted to things in the way he should, the way "normal" people would. He didn't really follow the traditional canons of a "miserable traumatized victim" role, in fact, he didn't seem like he was negatively effected  _at all_.

Quiet, aloof, minding exclusively his own business and not looking into anyone's eyes... as if it wasn't this way  _before_  those six months?

But, whatever his reaction appeared like, wasn't it adults' job to give at least  _some_  damn about his supposedly bad mental condition? No matter how he looked, he  _was_  freaking kidnapped and put through some rough stuff.

Yes, even if Spectre seemed and behaved like he was relatively stable, those humans could have at least  _pretended_  they cared about very much likely damage to his psyche.

But no.

" _It's in your best interest to keep your mouth shut, boy,_ " they told him instead.

Sweeping potentially scandalous scenario under the rug? Naturally, it was expected. They didn't have to worry though.

Did they themselves forget how they always suspected his lack of talkativeness to be a "definite proof" of his "inborn mental disability"?

Right, they had no reason to be concerned about their facility's reputation being dragged through the mud, Spectre had a heavy padlock attached to his lips and no need to pour his soul to anyone.

 _No one would have listened to him anyway_...

Since then those days at orphanage turned into some sort of prison confinement. No matter what he did Spectre always felt argus-eyed gazes of teachers and nursemaids who, yet again, wouldn't approach him directly, at the very least to say something nice or attempt to cheer him up. What for? The boy was  _problematic_ and not worthy any more of the time they had already been  _forced_  to give him.

As if that wasn't enough Spectre was also banned from going outside.

...Which was the worst as after those long months his body and soul were basically crying in anguish, yearning to break all stupid laws of physics along with common sense and soar into the sky, fly away from this cold dull jail to  _that one_  place.

 _That only place where he felt at peace and saw the colorless, gray world in lovely vibrant colors_.

It was decided.

Spectre was sure to run away on that one day.

_~~~_

When he arrived there on beautiful golden sunset he first thought it was some kind of a cruel joke, a bad dream, an illusion that would disperse should he blink his unbearably tingling eyes.

...Which was  _not_  working.

Spectre felt like helplessness caught him in a vice-like grip. The boy's heart almost stopped beating as the horrible sight in front of him strickened it into dead silence. A ghastly whiteness spread across Spectre's face as it turned frozen in a glassy stare of horror. His stomach turned to ice and it seemed as he grew some roots that firmly held him in place, as his entire body was slowly getting devoured by thick rigid bark.

And yet he did that one step towards his Mother.

One step.

And another one.

His limbs were numb, he was dizzy and nauseous, every new breath felt like swallowing blades and cutting his throat into bloody mess.

The boy  _wholeheartedly_  hoped this torturous pain would go away, it always did whenever he felt his Mother's bark against his cheek, whenever he clung onto her to feel safe and loved.

...But none of his hopes worked as his Mother's  _corpse_  was unable to provide him with those life-saving feelings.

"No... no..." Spectre sobbed, hugging onto the giant stump, all that was left from the one entity that mattered the most to the boy.

His Mother.

His dearest Mother.

His one and only Mother.

What was those humans' ideas of  _nature_ ,  _beauty_  and  _love_  anyway? They must have dishonoured Mother who grew here long before this damn orphanage was even built by making her into some furniture or paper. Just like that. Turning her into mundane utensils for creatures who were worst than animals quite often. Animals have always followed nature's laws and survived just fine whereas humanity at some point declared themselves as superior and began bending, twisting those laws to their liking.

Humans? Superior race?

What a nonsense.

Those who could be cruel to their own kind to extents no animal would ever think of? Those who would forget their own natural genesis and make Earth into their plaything? Those who "evolved" to the point when every second person felt endlessly lonesome even when surrounded by billions of their own kin?

_Where in the world was this superiority with such fatal flaws in picture?_

Scared.

Little Spectre was so scared.

These humans chased his ever-restless soul into a pitch-dark canyon with no light and sound.

_These humans took a hold and squeezed the collar around his neck so hard that he could no longer breathe._

Spectre was used to loneliness, but not  _this_  kind of it.

At least he had his Mother before.

But now even she was taken from him.

So he could do nothing but sob and wail and feel darkness filling his fragile soul to the brim.

Spectre's body was convulsing, twitching all over, he couldn't see clearly as a veil of hot, burning tears blinded him.

_Run away, flee, escape._

Now that his Mother was gone Spectre lost any reason to stay in this godforsaken orphanage.

So he decided to fulfill his plan that very evening.

_That became his only option if he wanted to lessen the deadly pressure of his collar._

_~~~_

_Was there such thing as unconditional love?_

There probably was, but not for the boy who accepted his "Spectre" alias as an irreplaceable part of his being.

It was raining.

Other kids of his age all over the world were probably enjoyed this evening at their homes. Having dinner, chatting with their families about how was their day, laughing, getting praised for their existence alone as nothing could beat the importance that children has always been to their parents. Even those kids who lacked parents and were forced to spend rainy days like this in orphanages still had it better than Spectre as they at least had their friends to goof around, play, share funny stories or play Duel Monsters.

Spectre knew for sure that no other kid shared his fate of sitting on this cold ground at the abandoned site where inhumane experiments took place. No other kid was as hungry, as tired, as cold, as abandoned as him.

The boy had no idea how long he had been waiting.

His head was swimming, his stomach was hurting, his limbs felt as if they were made of stone. The fire he lit with some wood he found nearby was big enough to keep him warm, and yet he felt so, so cold as if his blood itself was slowly turning into ice. His eyesight was getting darkened, he desperately blinked as the last thing he wanted was to fall asleep here, amidst this shroud of greyness and uncertainty that this rainy world carried.

Nobody was as  _crazy_  as little Spectre who was waiting for somebody,  _anybody_ here, at the place where he spent six horrific months of torture.

... _Or was this time really THAT horrific?_

From any normal human being perspective it sure was, but not for this boy who had always been seemingly far from any common notion of "normality".

" _You. I want you. I need you._ "

Spectre was here, all alone and defenseless in the rain as he kept on waiting for the warmth that would have always come with this words to reappear.

Spectre was waiting for a long time.

Whom he was waiting for?

He didn't know.

It didn't really matter, to be honest.

Somewhere deep inside he suspected that the voice, the "God" he heard during his confinment was most likely just a product of his imagination, his despair mixed with hope. Those conditions the six year old boy was in, his stress could have easily given birth to some auditory hallucinations, but...

_Spectre kept waiting._

Gradually his thoughts became a huge mess. His feelings followed soon after. His hunger kept getting worse and so did his exhaustion. There was no going back, though the boy was not that much sure if his "caretakers" at the orphanage had already noticed his disappearance. Spectre had always been transparent, hardly existent in their eyes. If anything everyone at the facility must have felt a great relief at realization that they wouldn't have to tolerate this nuisance of a kid's presence, breathe the same air as him, walk the same ground.

_Spectre's escape was beneficial for everybody._

So he was waiting, trying to fill his head with lots of entertaining premonitions to prevent himself from falling asleep. Despite his physical weariness his willpower was surprisingly strong enough to keep his mind bright with eagerness. He anticipated  _fun_ , yes, that was definitely how he came to accept what happened to him during those six months.

Spectre believed that whoever locked him in those white walls meant no harm to him, vise versa, they were testing and expected great things from him.

_Even if it wasn't the unconditional love he wished for this was still a tremendous reason for him to keep on living._

"V-A-L-U-A-B-L-E," the boy kept repeating over and over, his lips were so dry, but he couldn't stop.

This realization that at least he was valuable to _somebody_ in this world was akin to a strong spell, a mysterious incantation, it was impossible to hold back from clinging to that faint, phantom hope. It was inspiring in its own way, so...

Suddenly, there was a sound different from raindrops crashing against the ground and firewood being devoured by ever-hungry flame.

A crackle as if someone stepped on a branch.

Spectre's drowsiness faded away immediately, as if it was never a thing in the first place.

His heart fluttered and his face beamed with a huge smile as he noticed a hooded figure that came out of woods and was now looking at him. Spectre could have sworn that he noticed the person's smile, too.

"Aah..!" the boy reached out to them as if trying to convince himself he wasn't hallucinating yet _again_.

"Why... are you here?" he heard a quiet, confused childish voice in response.

_This was real!_

"Finally..." Spectre was on cloud nine, his weary eyes fervently sparkled as he reached his arm, so in need to touch the person whom he had already deemed as an angel in his own thoughts. "You came!"

Spectre tried to get up from his previously curled sitting position, but his body was so stiff and exhausted that it disobeyed him after the very first, the tiniest step, crashing down onto the ground akin to an axed tree. But, fortunately, the boy never had to feel the impact of being hit against the concrete as a pair of swift arms caught him that very instant and the entire universe drowned in the angel's quickened heartbeat.

"H-hey! Are you okay?"

The hoodie was no longer hiding the "angel"s face and Spectre was able to see how beautiful he was: fluffy snow-white hair with purple highlights, blue eyes so deep and shiny that Spectre was reminded of an ocean he once saw on a picture (was that one called Stardust Road or something?) and soft, kinda feminine features.

Truly... _so beautiful_.

If this wasn't the angel who came to embrace poor Spectre's with his comforting wings, the guiding light to get him out of the dark soundless canyon that was his life, he would be severely disappointed in everything, even worse than he already was.

"Aah... I apologize," Spectre giggled awkwardly, snuggling up to the "angel". "Always... I've always been waiting here. For those days, those exciting feelings to come back..."

Spectre was so overwhelmed with newfound sunshine he found in his "angel"s embrace that he failed to notice how contorted the older boy's face had become.

"Always?!" his voice rang with serious concern. "How long has your "always" been?! And what do you mean by waiting for "exciting feelings to come back"..?"

"Haha... It's alright."

Spectre reached his hand to touch the "angel"s cheek. It was so soft and warm that the younger boy involuntary felt even more intense happiness seeping through his veins.

_It felt so REAL._

"Once more..." Spectre lovingly caressed his "angel"s face as if it was truly holly. "I want to feel blessed once more."

"Once more..?" there was an utter disbelief in the older boy's voice, but the younger one couldn't care any less as he was entirely submerged in this blissful feeling of immense relief.

"I have never felt so needed by anyone in my life... but you. You came for me, right? Finally... Finally! This is really all I wanted!"

Spectre didn't notice the storm that was going on in his "angel"s head, he only kept enjoying, bathing in the sunshine he had finally found. He _so_ didn't want to let go, that's why a couple minutes in real life felt like a delightful eternity as he was being held by his "angel".

"Where do you live?" the older boy asked in a serious voice. "Where is your family?"

"I have no family. I had my dear Mother, but... she was taken from me by those filthy humans," Spectre's face visibly darkened as it was the last topic he wanted to discuss right now. "I used to live at an orphanage. But I know I was never needed by anyone there. I was like invisible for them. Funny, huh? Pooh! And this Spectre is gone. That's what spectres do, right? They can disappear and nobody would notice. Whatever. That damn orphanage was never my home. I'm not going back there. Never."

There was dead silence on the "angel"s end, so Spectre began slightly panicking as he looked up at the older boy's pallid face.

"Please!" Spectre's blue eyes sparkled with rapidly accumulating tears. "I know what you think! You want me to go back there, yes? But that's the only thing I can't do!"

"You are..." the "angel" was obviously wavering.

"Please!" Spectre sobbed, clinging to him. "I'll go with you wherever you want! I'll endure whatever trials there are! Just... _please_ , don't make me go back to that place! I'll wither there!"

The following moment of silence was oversaturated with uneasiness as the two boys, two pairs of blue eyes stared at each other: one with tremendous hesitation, another with desperate pleading. The world suddenly went dead silent, only two synchronized hearts were drumming so restlessly.

At last, the older boy was the first to part his lips.

"...Can you walk?"

"Eh?" Spectre blinked, and then his "angel" was already standing and reaching out his hand, suggesting him to grab onto it if he needed.

"Come with me," the "angel" smiled, but Spectre had yet no idea how hard it was for his future master. 

"Where?" the younger boy tilted his head.

"Somewhere warm and safe."

Spectre's heart flooded with joy at these words. His eyes shone akin to how the sky was after the rain had stopped. So azure and free...

"Y-yes!" the boy sprang to his feet as if he was never drained to extreme and grabbed his "angel"s hand all to eagerly. "I'm going!"

From that moment on Spectre was really prepared to follow this person anywhere, either in Heaven or Hell.

"Oh," blushing, the boy giggled shyly. "I'm so sorry. I totally forgot to ask your name."

His "angel" looked back and gave him the most beautiful smile, the one that would remain engraved in Spectre's memory for eternity.

"It's..."

_~~~_

"Ryoken-sama," Spectre chuckled softly.

His master was sulking. This damn universe sure liked to play bad jokes on people. Young Kogami didn’t even have time to realize whether it was his own clumsiness or the carpet’s fault, but the fact was that he tripped near the very bed and the freaking cup swung into the air. And he was forced to watch as the drink made with love spilled all over blanket.

All his efforts were now hopelessly wasted.

“Ryoken-sama?” Spectre frowned, it honestly hurt him to see his beloved upset like this.

Ryoken shuddered a bit, when a gentle hand touched his face lovingly. Soft fingertips stroked carefully, and yet young Kogami was not ready to face his lover.

“My darling, " but the hand never stopped caressing his cheek, and soon Ryoken gave in, looking into Spectre's eyes. “Hey, it’s okay. It was just some coffee," he whispered reassuringly and leant forward, nuzzling his forehead against his sir's.

"It wasn't _some_ coffee," Ryoken tsked. "Did you forget what day is it today?"

"How could I?" notes of sternness appeared in Spectre's tone. "I would never."

That was something he could never do, indeed.

Today was the fifteenth anniversary of that rainy day when Spectre met his precious angel. His and only his Ryoken-sama.

Fifteen years since Spectre had finally found his place in this cold lonesome world. Fifteen years since he had found a reason to keep on living, to keep on fighting every day. Fifteen years since he had acquired home and someone to love... _and_ who loved him back just as much.

“Seriously though. You are a magician, love.” Spectre murmured, wrapping his arms around the man and pulling him closer.

“Huh?” Ryoken raised his eyebrows and couldn't help blushing as their faces became so close to each other as he whispered almost against his lips. “What is it?”

Spectre’s eyes lit up for a second when he whispered back in a mysterious tone.

“Because you are one, sir."

Ryoken chuckled; how many years did it actually take him to get used to this guy's weirdness? Sometimes he really felt like the decade and a half they already spent together was not enough, probably their entire lives wouldn't be enough.

The majority of the time they were together, the very reason why they ever met in the first place was far from some sappy love story.

_And yet, Ryoken still..._

“Take a better look at the blanket,” Spectre looked exactly where the coffee was spilled and giggled. “See these stains?”

“Hm?” young Kogami became utterly confused; what was about this mess that made his beloved smile so cheerfully?

“Have you ever heard about coffee fortune-telling? The one that involves coffee remnants?” Spectre chuckled. “Surprisingly, I have read about this in a magazine just recently.”

“Wha? What is this all about?” Ryoken felt his cheeks burn as his lover was looking right into his eyes; Spectre never seemed too tired to drown in their magnificent deep blueness.

“What I want to say,” Spectre brushed their noses together, “look there attentively. What do you see?”

“I see some nasty stains," Ryoken stated the obvious.

“You have no imagination," Spectre laughed, nuzzling against his cheek. “What I see is a cute couple. One of them is the most beautiful angel of all and he is holding his beloved one's hand, leading him across the stars and towards the better future."

Ryoken blinked, and suddenly all the uneasiness he felt was completely gone as he laughed.

"If that makes you feel any better," Spectre said seriously, "I'll make sure not to forget and spill some coffee on our third wedding anniversary morning. Is that okay with you?"

Ryoken was already dying from laughter.

"You... You are _some_ weirdo!"

Spectre joined him and now they were laughing together.

"You fucking idiot," Ryoken was barely breathing as he squeezed his husband in the tightest embrace. "I love you."

Spectre echoed the last three sacred words and watched the morning sun reflecting, shining on the ring around his finger.

"Yes... I love you so much, Ryoken-sama."

_Even if this love wasn't as perfectly unconditional as Spectre would like to pretend._

Only gods knew how much he would sacrifice to please his dearest angel, his Ryoken-sama who became his beginning and his end. How much he _did_ sacrifice as he faced demise more than once... just for him. Just for Ryoken-sama.

_But it was okay._

They trusted each other. They cherished each other. They loved each other and swore to be together forever.

_Spectre knew that the collar around his neck would never disappear, but at least he found The One whom he fully trusted to handle the leash._


End file.
